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So it all began somewhere HERE:
The piece of me that grew up in the Middle East lingered on the mouse, as the carefree Caribbean born Carly selected the photograph above.
"Is that really necessary Carly?" My conservative side spoke. "What's the big deal? God gave us this body, why should we be ashamed to show it?" My Caribbean rooted heart retaliated. "But the internet will be talking about your butt-" "Okay? So let them talk... One day I will be old and wrinkled and wish that my butt looked like that. Plus, what's the big deal? Don't you have a butt?"
You see, as people, we are the sum total of all of our experiences... and well, me, having grown up on two ends of the globe, I often find my thoughts in a battle of contradiction. What is right & what is wrong? What is acceptable & what is unacceptable? What is possible & what is impossible? And after years in a battle of blurred lines it all boiled down to SOCIETY and SUBJECTIVITY.
I couldn't stand it anymore and I soon began to live my life repeating to those around me:
I JUST WANT TO DO, WHATEVER IT IS THAT I WANT TO DO.
"Models should be 5'10 & 100 pounds." "Actresses need to have an American accent." "Business folk need to be math savvy." "Writers need to have good grammar and spelling skills." Designers need to... Politicians need to...Fitness Instructors need to... Lawyers need to... Athletes need to...
NO.
Why do we always need to "BE" or "DO" what OTHER people decided is acceptable? You just need to BE bold enough to say YES to taking the first step onto your own path, and then figure it out from there.
Now I have always been one to say "yes" to adventure. I love to live my life with stories to tell, and I don't get embarrassed very easily. A recipe for disaster, or an assured good time . . . whoever knows. BUT (there's always a 'but') - But if you've ever read one of my blogs previously, you would probably know that there is one thing that has always been somewhat of an ongoing conversation in my life.
BODY IMAGE
"But you..." You're too kind, but please don't. We all know that you could be a twig, or you could be an oak tree, either way, it doesn't stop us from judging or comparing our bodies to the images of perfection that we are often bombarded with. It is what it is.
Then one day...
Walking through my University grounds, my roommate and I saw a flyer for a bikini show at one of the biggest school events of the year "Midnight Maddness". Now my roommate was 'one of the lucky ones'. We did EVERYTHING together. We exercised together, we drank together, we ate together... but somehow, she ended up with abs, while my thighs continued to rub like they have since the day that I stepped out of the womb. SO BE IT.
Long story short (ish) - I convinced her to go to the audition (which she agreed to do once I took her), but somehow I left said audition agreeing to do the show with her. After weeks of anxiety and emotionally drowning my nerves in everything delicious (counterproductive much?) I found my saucy self standing at the front and center of my university gym in nothing but a cheeky 'indieswim' bikini.
WHO AM I AND WHAT IS GOING ON?
The stands were FULL of students. Most looked excited...Others looked on with raised eyebrows. That night I went to sleep with a sigh of relief that I made it through the event.
I even had a great time!
I said 'yes' to doing something totally out of my comfort zone. It went well - It was over - and I survived.
Or so I thought...
Obliviously walking into the cafeteria the next day, a fellow student that I knew 'from around' walked up to me.'
"Hey did you see the school papers today?" "No?" I smiled. "You might want to," he replied with an unreadable face.
My spidey senses tingled. Something wasn't right.
I played it cool until he was out of site, then quickly made my way to the first newspaper stand. Grabbing the paper I read the front page.
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